Navigating the Holidays When Newly Separated/Divorced

The holidays are a time of joy, togetherness, and tradition. But when you're newly divorced, they can feel like a season of emotional landmines. How do you celebrate when your family structure has shifted? What happens to long-standing traditions? And, most importantly, how do you find moments of peace and joy amid the changes?

As a collaborative divorce attorney, I’ve worked with countless individuals who have faced these questions. The good news? With the right mindset and approach, the holidays can become an opportunity to redefine what matters most to you and your family. Here are some key strategies to help you navigate this new season with grace and confidence.

1. Redefine Traditions

Divorce often means the end of certain family traditions, but it’s also a chance to create new ones. Instead of focusing on what’s lost, think about what you’d like to build moving forward.  The goal, from my perspective, is not to pretend that nothing as changed but to embrace that the have.  Especially when it comes to the kids, who need to see you model resilience and accept that life is different now.  Whether it’s baking cookies with your kids on a specific night, hosting a small gathering with friends, or volunteering as a family, creating fresh traditions can bring a sense of renewal and stability.

Pro Tip: Involve your children in deciding how to build new traditions. Giving them a say in the process can help them feel more secure and excited about what’s to come.

2. Prioritize Your Children’s Needs

For co-parents, the holidays often come with custody schedules and compromises. While it can be difficult to share time, it’s essential to prioritize what’s best for your children. This might mean letting go of the idea that you need to spend every holiday moment together.

Children thrive when they know their parents are working as a team, even from separate households. If possible, communicate openly and collaboratively with your co-parent to ensure a seamless holiday plan.

Pro Tip: Avoid putting your kids in the middle. Don’t ask them to choose between parents or make them feel guilty for enjoying time with the other parent.

3. Plan Ahead

Predictability can reduce stress, especially during the holidays. Sit down early—ideally with your co-parent—to outline where the kids will be, how transitions will happen, and who’s responsible for what. By having a clear plan in place, you’ll reduce uncertainty and avoid misunderstandings.

Pro Tip: Include time for yourself in your holiday schedule. Self-care is essential during this emotionally charged time.

4. Manage Expectations

The first holiday season after divorce is unlikely to look or feel the same as years past—and that’s okay. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your family. Give yourself grace to feel a mix of emotions, from sadness and nostalgia to relief and hope. Change takes time, and it’s natural to experience growing pains as you adjust.

Pro Tip: Focus on what you can control, which is never your coparent. 

5. Communicate with Extended Family

Divorce doesn’t just affect the immediate family—it ripples out to extended family and friends. Be upfront about your new situation and let them know what to expect. If certain traditions aren’t feasible this year, explain why and set boundaries for what you are willing and able to do. Open communication can help manage disappointments and set a positive tone.

Pro Tip: Encourage extended family to focus on creating a supportive environment rather than dwelling on the past. Their attitude can significantly influence how you and your children experience the holidays.

6. Seek Support

You don’t have to navigate this season alone. Whether it’s leaning on close friends, joining a support group, or seeking guidance from a therapist, reaching out can help you process your emotions and gain perspective. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help.

Pro Tip: Collaborative divorce professionals often provide post-divorce resources, including counseling referrals and co-parenting tools. Don’t hesitate to tap into these.

7. Embrace Gratitude and Mindfulness

It may sound cliché, but focusing on gratitude can be transformative during challenging times. Research shows that “gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.”  During some of the hardest periods of my life, just  before bed I’d list three things I was grateful for that day.  Doing so allowed me to pay attention during the day, being ever mindful of what I’d include in my journal that evening.  Practicing gratefulness helps me be fully present and appreciate small joys throughout the day.

Pro Tip: Teach your children gratitude by going around the table at dinner and sharing one thing each person is grateful for. 

A Season of New Beginnings

The holidays after divorce may feel bittersweet, but they also hold the promise of new beginnings. By embracing change, focusing on what you can control, and prioritizing what’s best for your family, you can create a meaningful and memorable season.

Wishing you peace, hope, and joy as you navigate this new chapter.