Resurfacing after Divorce
We love our clients; they provide such beautiful and valuable insight. One such inspirational woman recently shared:
“There is such freedom in the reclamation of self…as difficult and challenging as this process is, there is so much beauty in resurfacing.”
Which got us thinking.
Resurfacing After Divorce: A Journey of Renewal and Growth
Going through a divorce can feel like you’ve been split in two, like everything you thought you knew about yourself, your life, and your future has been pulled apart. The emotional debris left behind can weigh heavy, and it’s easy to feel like you’ve been left with nothing more than the broken pieces of something once whole. We resurface antiques to make them shine again, to restore them. And as we come up for air after being submerged for too long, we ourselves, resurface.
The Furniture Metaphor: Scraping Off the Old Layers
Think of yourself as an old, well-loved piece of furniture. Over time, you’ve gathered layers – layers of love, memories, pain, growth, and maybe even neglect. Some of these layers are beautiful and carry sentimental value. Others are chipped, scratched, even cracked. During a marriage, you might have built up walls to protect yourself, and some of these layers were shaped by your relationship, good and bad.
But just like any valuable piece of furniture, you can’t move forward without shedding those old, worn-out layers. Resurfacing an old table or chair isn’t about erasing its history; it’s about honoring the past and creating space for something new. When you decide to resurface, you begin by stripping away the accumulated layers, sanding down the rough edges and smoothing over the blemishes. This is a process, a gradual one, where you confront the parts of yourself that no longer serve you and let them go.
For some, this might mean letting go of resentment, anger, fear, or guilt. For others, it’s about rediscovering forgotten parts of themselves or embracing the things that made them whole before the relationship. The raw, stripped-down self is the base on which you can rebuild, just as an old chair can be transformed into something beautiful and useful with the right care.
Coming Up for Air: The Freedom of Renewal
When you’re in the depths of a difficult relationship or dealing with the aftermath of a divorce, it can feel like you’ve been underwater for too long. The weight of emotion, doubt, and grief can be suffocating, leaving you gasping for breath. You forget what it feels like to have clarity, to breathe freely, or to exist in your own skin without the weight of someone else’s expectations or actions.
Resurfacing after a divorce is that first deep inhale when you break the surface, feeling the rush of fresh air fill your lungs. It’s not immediate – there are moments when the weight of your emotions will pull you back down – but with time, you begin to float. You start to realize that life, though changed, still holds beauty and opportunity.
The air is different when you emerge from the depths. You may be a little shaken, but you’re alive. You have the freedom to take in the world as it is, rather than how it was framed through the lens of your past relationship. You can breathe again.
Growing and Rebuilding: The Resurfacing Process as Transformation
Once you’ve stripped away the old layers and come up for air, you begin the process of rebuilding and growing. After you’ve sanded away the rough patches, you are free to apply new finishes – wood stain, lacquer, or a fresh coat of paint. The wood, once scratched and damaged, now has the opportunity to shine in a new light. You’ve redefined its beauty, transformed it from something broken into something full of potential.
In the same way, after a divorce, you have the opportunity to grow. Maybe you take up a hobby you abandoned, develop new relationships, or find a deeper connection with your own passions. Maybe you get back to who you were before you lost yourself in someone else. You grow into yourself.
This stage isn’t instantaneous; it takes patience, self-compassion, and the willingness to embrace both the discomfort and the beauty of growth. Like the furniture, you might need a little more sanding or occasional touch-ups along the way. But over time, you’ll find that the finish you’ve applied is your own: unique, resilient, and full of character.
Embracing the Process
Resurfacing after divorce isn’t about getting over what happened; it’s a journey that becomes part of who you are. It takes time, patience, and a willingness to embrace the messy parts. But when you resurface after a divorce, you’re not just surviving; you’re becoming something even more beautiful than before. And just like that antique table or chair, you can take the time to appreciate the old, while embracing the new.
