This American Life
When most people think of divorce, they think of a long, expensive, contentious, and often messy process. This isn’t a coincidence, however, as our traditional legal framework for resolving issues attendant to a divorce via litigation creates an environment where it is almost impossible for the process to be anything but a battle. A common theme both for folks going through a divorce and the attorneys representing them is “there just has to be a better way” and thanks to collaborative divorce, there is.
Don’t just take our word for it though— Act 3 of This American Life’s February 7, 2025 episode entitled “Break-Up” highlights the story of an attorney, Barry Berkman, who found that “better way” through collaborative divorce, and how transformative the process has been for both himself and his clients alike.
Though Mr. Berkman fought zealously and often won big settlements for his clients in court, after 15 years of practice, he started to feel as if what he was doing wasn’t actually what was best for his clients. He began to feel that many of his cases were following the same pattern of being incredibly expensive for clients, taking a large emotional toll on them, and even damaging their children.
Mr. Berkman recalls a case where a Husband and Wife worked out an agreement on their own, without the help of lawyers. Both were happy as they could be with their arrangement which met both of their needs, and they were ready to do it. Both spouses were told to consult attorneys, and when Wife consulted with a lawyer, she was told that there’s “no way” the Wife could agree with the arrangement, because she was giving Husband “too much.” The Wife listened to the attorney, and the couple ended up embroiled in nasty litigation over the division of their assets, which caused the couple to begin to fight about everything—in fact, their fights about the financial piece of their divorce escalated to the point that they bled into new fights about custody as well. In the end, this couple spent a great deal of time and money fighting and deteriorated their coparenting relationship, and ended up agreeing to the same arrangement they had initially agreed upon in the beginning.
Had both spouses consulted with a collaborative attorney about their arrangement, it is possible that they could have avoided such financial and emotional expenses. As collaborative practitioners, our goal is not to tell you what you can and can’t do, but to provide legal datapoints and advocate for your needs in order to enable you, the client, to make informed and empowered decisions.
In reflecting on his litigation cases compared to collaborative cases, Mr. Berkman shares that he has seen how the collaborative process also helps spouses develop communication tools that are beneficial for both their future coparenting relationship, and with resolving future conflicts with others as well. Give this episode a listen here to hear more!
Collaborative Law is a well-defined process with a history of success that is and has been used around the country—the concept was initially created in 1990 by a Minnesota attorney and in 2003 the North Carolina state legislature recognized Collaborative law as an official legal alternative to a court divorce. In fact, the February 7, 2025 episode of This American Life discussed in this post is actually a re-post of an episode that initially aired on August 24, 2007.
We have experienced first-hand how transformative a Collaborative divorce can be for families (and that’s exactly why we do what we do). Reach out to us today to learn more about how collaborative law can work for you.
